Road signs – buy cars with the stars!
Let your birth sign decide what motor you drive and how you drive it…
21 March-20 April
They are the heroes of the Zodiac – defenders of the weak, destroyers of evil. So watch out, cocky salesmen who tailgate old ladies on the motorway – muscle boy Aries is on the way to right wrongs in his Land Rover Defender, and you are sooo in the wrong…
Star driver Russell Crowe
21 April-21 May
Why buy a spanking new VW Golf when that hospital-green Morris Minor has kept you mobile since 1963? Yes, ‘The Vicar’s Friend’ is perfect for careful, conservative Taureans. They often wonder why cars aren’t sold with tartan blankets and cough sweets.
Star driver Matthew Kelly
22 May-21 June
Total drama queens or what? Dynamic Geminis love action in the fast lane, and will know traffic cops better than most. Many of them think the national speed limit is ‘Oh, say, about 150?’ They have two favourite cars: a red Ferrari… or a silver one.
Star driver Naomi Campbell
22 June-23 July
Compassionate, caring Cancerians feel happiest behind the wheel when they’re letting a few hundred drivers out into the traffic in front of them. Their strong protective instinct means they will even back up traffic wardens in a scrap with bullying parking offenders.
Star driver Tom Hanks
24 July-23 Aug
The Zodiac’s incurable show-offs, Leos demand attention on the road, using hand signals so drivers can fawn over their jewellery. Double yellows are for the little people, and Bentley is the only car name they know.
Star driver Madonna
24 Aug-23 Sept
Who’s that turning the corner at 2mph with a five-mile tailback behind them? Why, it’s shy, nervous Virgo, making sure he doesn’t break speed laws or run down a spider. He wishes there was a 50cc Vauxhall Corsa and that he could drive on the pavement.
Star driver Hugh Grant
24 Sept-23 Oct
They strike terror into the hearts of all car salesmen, especially the younger ones. Sharp, focused Librans are feared by the showroom community for their top negotiating skills. They regularly secure discounts when buying second hand motors.
Star driver Matt Damon
24 Oct-22 Nov
‘Sting in the tail’ is spot on – there’s a dark side to fiery Scorpios who can be ruthless and vindictive. Never, ever, cut them up. They’d drive a tank if it were legal, but will settle for a Bond car.
Star driver Winona Ryder
23 Nov-21 Dec
If a shopper in the multi-storey lets you steal their space, you can bet it’s fair-minded Sagittarius, who never holds a grudge and folds in car park stand-offs. Likes the Mini Metro for its modesty.
Star driver Ken Branagh
22 Dec-20 Jan
Cars are for washing, not driving! Perfectionist Capricorns will not allow dirty roads to ruin their natural high standards, and wear white gloves to open the boot. Any car will do, as long as it looks good on the drive and is machine-washable.
Star driver Jude Law
21 Jan-19 Feb
‘Coooeee! Hello! Love your dress, where’d you get it? Great earrings! Fancy a coffee?’ Yes, the stranger in the Mazda soft-top next to you at the traffic lights is a chatty, warm Aquarian who loves making friends. Don’t worry, the lights will be green in a sec.
Star driver Jennifer Aniston
20 Feb-20 March
Dreamy, romantic, loving Pisceans are suckers for pink motors, bless ’em, and are a total mystery to car makers. ‘Oh, can’t someone invent a heart-shaped car?’ they coo. Pisceans are responsible for the success of the Garfield car window toy.
Star driver Cindy Crawford